Let's grow our comfort with being visible
Hi gang,
Welcome to Issue #7. Two more weeks until Election Day, holy smokes... (you donated, right?).
In my LinkedIn post earlier today, I listed out the benefits of growing your visibility, and the vulnerability it triggers.
Let's go a few steps deeper: how can we work with the discomfort triggered by growing your visibility, instead of wasting valuable energy fighting it?
Today: a story, a lesson, and two invites.
Story:
Once upon a time, there was a (nonpracticing) woman lawyer named Rachel. Rachel talked a good game about growing one's influence, but privately, waffled about growing her own influence:
Writing opportunities that she didn't jump on.
Speaking opportunities that she didn't lock up, and
Collaborations that she neglected - they withered on the vine.
Let's not forget: online events that she didn't make happen.
Why do we all get in our own way, and lose out? Fear.
Takeaway/lesson:
What I've learned about working with my fears, instead of (wasting my finite energy) resisting them, learned from my studies of neuroscience, my decades practicing Zen and my journey into trauma healing:
1. (Before we really get into it): Anthropomorphizing (humanizing) our fear/s make them easier to address. I know, it sounds hokey, but if it works, don't be a hater.
2. Fear is sparked by self-criticism, self-doubt, etc., and it originates in a primitive part of the brain (the amygdala, part of the limbic system) that is just trying to keep us safe. Your fears are trying to help you.
3. Your adrenaline spike from the thought of "going for it" (regarding your visibility)? That's a biological response that comes from your brain protecting you from lions, tigers, and/or speaking opportunities (just kidding! bears).
4. Like a parent who offers unhelpful (or better yet, unsolicited!) advice, arguing only makes it worse. The response to your adrenaline-fueled fear? Do not argue with it: thank it for caring so much (try it with your actual parents, too), and then take the reins.
This sounds silly, I know.
And, it's been a complete game changer for me.
Example: (Fear/Mom/Dad): Thank you so much for caring so deeply about me. You must be exhausted from worrying so much. I've got it now, so you can go take a break. Thank you for loving me so much!
TL, DR: You thank it, and tell "it" that "you've" got it.
5. Wait a minute. If *you are not the fear, then who are "you" in this scenario?
You are the wise, supportive friend, parent or coach.
You are (the voice of) Love.
From this vantage point, your brain gets rewired, one conversation at a time. Your confidence grows (both about your visibility - and more widely, on everything). Consider how cultivating an internal loving voice could transform your willingness (sticking with visibility, in this issue):
"I posted. I was nervous, but it didn't stop me from hitting Publish. I did it!"
"I spoke at an event. It was a great start. I'm learning."
and, "I scheduled the event, the one that my clients would love. That was no biggie."
Suddenly, your brain starts to come up with solutions that propel you even further (ones that a fear-led brain simply can't think of, because it's so focused on survival), such as:
"You know, I'd like to build more relationships with others who are growing their visibility."
****
Invitations:
1. Visibility on Wed, Oct 30
If you want to grow your visibility, the best way to do that is to run with peers who are growing theirs. Why? You'll rub off on each other. You'll encourage one another. You'll catch one another when life gets overwhelming.
You are invited to join me and fellow subscribers on Wednesday, Oct 30 at 4pm ET, to discuss what's holding us back in growing our visibility, and how we can move forward. Register here.
2. Rainmaking Roadmap sampler on Thursday, Oct 31
Curious to reach your dream clients? I'd love to help! Join me on Halloween to tackle the scariest: actually going for it.
Subscribers only, 3pm ET, register here.
Questions? Requests? Drop a note anytime.
And, feel free to share this with your network. They gotta subscribe to get the goods, though.
xo, R
P.S. I'm building a faculty of women lawyers who can help junior partners in BigLaw step into their power. Got any recommendations? Interested in speaking?
Either drop me a note and/or book here!
