Overcoming the discomfort in saying our goals out loud
Hi gang,
Welcome to Issue #8. I cannot believe it's Election Night.
Let's talk about risk taking, starting with daring to utter our goals to ourselves.
Why is it soo scary, especially when we uplevel the challenge: speaking them to someone else?
I've procrastinated on telling you some of my goals (with Interconnected Us). So, really quickly, I'll spill the tea:
Interconnected Us exists to take women lawyers from "Hiding to Making Waves." We offer programming on five key pillars critical for you to master if you want to be recognized for your work and call the shots. The pillars:
(1) Gaining access to powerful rooms and connecting with powerful people;
(2) Growing your visibility;
(3) Being intentional about your identity (reputation/personal brand);
(4) Upleveling your internal boundaries (inner dialogue); and
(5) Upleveling your external boundaries - communicating powerfully (i.e. with your clients, with your delegees including your family, and establishing universally what you will and will not tolerate) - and doing so in a manner that is not only civil, but kind.
My goals, including where I'm taking Interconnected Us:
→ Launch mastermind (peer learning cohorts) based on your key interest (i.e. upleveling your communication skills and/or rethinking your network to get yourself more access and grow your influence);
→ Retreats that uplevel your network & teach networking skills, served together with a heavy scoop of fun and connection (it's good for us overthinkers/overworkers);
→ Offering resources and programming that facilitates connection between women lawyers "across differences" (shout out to my friend Karen Fleshman, founder of the Interracial Sisterhood Coalition, who taught me that term, and who is one of the powerhouses from whom I learn how to be a better anti-racist), helping everyone make new friends and broaden our horizons;
and (this last one is the scariest to type, because I was trained to bury this interest, a long time ago)
→ Offering programming for those of us who have an artist inside of our lawyerly exteriors. Were you too told to do something serious with your brain, maybe something like ... law school?
Very short story:
I was. As a kid. I stopped painting. Stopped drawing. Hit the books. And now, at forty something, it's a little "activating" to pull out those watercolors and markers. Which is why I called in my friends - other creative women lawyers - to give me some encouragement, and soon, I'd like to start doing it more often (and to be clear, you're invited).
Connection to pursuing our big, hairy, audacious goal:
Could this be connected to the fear of saying our goals out loud? I think so: many of us have become so habituated to tucking away our full selves. We internalized the instructions to "shrink" and to stop bringing our full selves to bear on the world.
Small acts of creative bravery:
Part of our unlearning is so simple, it's almost comical: we have to relearn how to play (skeptical lawyer type? The neuroscience is with me.
Simple steps to take (and why it'll help):
→ Write a ridiculous lip sync with your kids; it will reset a spiraling mood and remind you that nothing is so serious.
→ In the grocery store, see if you can do a dance move when no one sees you. This challenge reminds you that you can create little pockets of fun, anywhere: you don't need something structured, formal or "perfect." It's all just an ongoing experiment.
→ Ready to put marker to paper? Try doodle-like neurographic art, which purportedly helps ease a busy mind (worked for me).
Last: one of my favorite speeches: Natalie Portman sharing what she's learned by choosing to follow her passion for acting and the creative arts, over her the intellectual pursuits her razor sharp intellect could have afforded her. Delivered to Harvard's 2015 graduates. I find it so inspiring, and freeing - the guts to be ourselves. Aaaaahhh.
I'd love to hear what shifts *you* back into confidently sharing your dreams. ****
xo, R
P.S. Women in BigLaw, we're kicking off a webinar + networking series designed to give you a taste of access to industry titans, together with an opportunity to connect with your peers through intimate discussion in a private space. Registration is open for November 15, 3pm ET: Connecting with powerful people ⚡ A conversation hosted by Megan Fouty & Rachel Clar.
Please register, and share with your networks! More events coming soon for you BigLaw women (registration not yet open):
· Thursday, November 21 at 9AM ET: Presentations that Win Pitches with Val Madamba, Esq. - Legal Presentation Coach.
· Thursday, December 5, at 3PM ET: The Mentality to Win in BigLaw: a Firm of One with Afi Johnson-Parris, Esq - Partner at Fox Rothschild, Chair of the ABA LP Division and co-author/editor, together with Dee Schiavelli of Marketing Success: How Did She Do That? Women Lawyers Show You How to Move Beyond Tips to Implementation,
· Wednesday, December 18, at 1PM ET: Building Your Influence From Within with Misty Leon, Esq. (details to come).
